December 2016, Y'all !!

Holy cow, how did it get to be December already?!   And the 31st at that!  I know everybody always says time goes so fast, but seriously this year was a mad dash from start to finish!  I've seen so many people on social media saying FU to 2016.  It was such a horrible year for so many people.   And ALL, I mean ALL, the celebrity deaths this year were unbelievable, especially in the past week.  However, 2014 is still at the top of the list as being the crappiest year for my family.  (Right up there with 2008 when my husband was extremely sick and almost died, but that illness extended from 2008-2010.  But my son Joshua was born in 2008, so that year wasn't all bad!  Joshua is an amazing kid and I just love him so much, so 2014 is still worse than 2008 for me!)  Don't get me wrong, we did have to deal with some bad crap in 2016 over here, but we had some good things happen to us, too.

January:  My oldest son got into the high school he wanted to, it's a really great school that has a competitive application process and it has an amazing reputation as a college prep high school and helps kids get into good colleges.  He took the entrance exam and rocked it.  I mean rocked it!  I was so proud of him!   The school is in the city we used to live in before we moved up to Northern AZ 11 years ago.   My youngest son turned 8.   8 is great!  ;)   And last but not least, my baby nephew was born!  He is so darling!  I'm finally an aunt, and I couldn't be happier!

February:  Had a fun Valentine's Day weekend get away with the hubby.  The kids had a snow day...in northern AZ!  ;)

March:  My middle son turned 11 !!  Spring break trip to Phoenix/ Scottsdale.  My boys had shadow/interview days at prospective new schools in our new town we were moving to (back to).  They got into all the ones they liked ( and still to this day are on the waiting list for another school that Dave and I liked, but they were not crazy about!  Lol it's a free charter school and admission is by lottery and so they have low turn-over because it's a good, free school that has a good reputation for getting the students into the highly sought-after private high schools in town.)

April:  Met my new (and only!) nephew finally for the  1st time!  We took a fun trip to San Diego to spend time with them and went to Disneyland and spent my friend Tracy's birthday with her!  I went to my annual medical conference and got to see old classmates and colleagues.

May:  End of the school year!  Grades 9, 6 and 3 are over with for my sons!  They all did amazing-- they had great academic years.   Zack went on an end of the school year trip to Magic Mountain and Knott's Berry Farm.  We celebrated Dave's birthday.  We also put in an offer on a house in the new city we were planning to move to (move back to!)  and it was accepted of all days~ on Mother's Day.

June:  My oldest son got invited to do this summer honors program at his new high school.....so he took Honor's Biology.  He got an A.    :)     Holy cow it was hard!  So challenging.  But that's why we wanted him to go to this school.  To get an amazing education and be challenged.  (The school also has highly competitive sports programs and a strong religious backbone.)  The trifecta/ Triple Crown of schools, if you ask me.   He didn't know a single person on his 1st day and he met so many nice, really good kids.  He also did the summer freshman baseball program.    We moved to our new city and our new house this month.

July:  Holy cow I think it was the hottest summer since I moved to AZ in 1986!  However, the kids had fun swimming in our first ever pool!!  It even has a diving board!  We also took a trip to CA and enjoyed the cool air and beaches in Santa Barbara.  We went to Magic Mountain and the temperature was only 104* !!  Yikes!  The kids didn't mind.   The kids also did a baseball camp in our old city and one in our new city.  It was a fun summer hanging out with friends.

August:  A new school year began!  Here's to 2016-2017!   My kids started at their new schools and are doing well and made nice, new friends.  The boys all made a travel baseball team too.  We had a stay-cation at a local resort with some friends who were visiting.  Z went to his 1st (and 2nd!) high school dance!  I went out with a bunch of new mom friends and had fun.  Celebrated my mom's birthday with her... lunch and massages!  We sold our house!

September:  My baby girl turned 4!  She started swimming lessons and gymnastics.  Dave got to go out of town on a golf trip with some friends.  We went to the 1st high school football game with Z and some friends.  We won!  My mom and I took my daughter to the American Girl store and had lunch in the bistro with her for her birthday!

October:  Cami had her 4th birthday party with her new friends from her new preschool at the train park.  It was so fun!  Also, D's brother came to the party!  And Tracy and her family were in town and joined us too and we went to PF Chang's for dinner with them which was a really nice time.  D and I celebrated our anniversary with a trip to Vegas to see Absin.the and Bl.ue Man Gr.oup.  Fun weekend and the food was delicious and also made a trip to Canyon Ranch Spa!
Cami started at a new dance studio and loves it!  WHEW!  We both loved her dance studio and teacher in our old town, and miss it quite a bit.  Thankfully this new studio is good and we love her new teacher.  And this year Cami is learning tap....she is so cute in those tap shoes!
Halloween!  How can we forget Halloween!  All 4 kids got invited to parties/trick-or-treating with new friends they met this year at their new schools!  And the weather was perfect for trick-or-treating!  No jackets (or gloves or scarves, for that matter!) required this year!  ;)

November:  Had our 1st Thanksgiving in the new house.  My parents and brother and his family came to dinner.  We had a great day!  Zack had a great fall freshman baseball season with the school team.  He was also playing with his travel team.  Busy, busy!  The family did some volunteering/ Service hours over Thanksgiving break.  Jacob started playing on his middle school basketball team.  The weather finally cooled down and dropped below 100*!    That is note-worthy!  I've never been so happy to see my UGG boots!  HA!  I got to celebrate a dear friend J's birthday with her at a local resort.  Lunch and the spa (see a theme here?!)  ;)  I got to meet an adoption friend and her family IRL finally after being FB friends for 6 years!  We had such a fun day with them at the trampoline park and the kids got along so well....fast friends!

December:  The 3 younger kids performed in their school Advent programs (It's a Catholic School) and did so well!  So cute to watch!  Zack made it through his first set of high school final exams.  Wish him luck!  Joshua is playing on a basketball team with the local YM.CA.  We celebrated our first Christmas in our new house with my parents.  Andddd.....I celebrated my 29th birthday (I've lost track of how many times I've celebrated my 29th birthday!  HA!)  and D and I had a weekend stay-cation at our favorite hotel and ate at our favorite restaurants and watched the Phx Su.ns beat the Tor.onto Rap.tors which was a Christ.mas miracle!  Great game! And a birthday trip to the spa rounded out my birthday celebration.

So now it's the last day of 2016, Y'all!  What a year it's been!  And that was only the highlights!  Some relationships were mended with family members.  Eyes were opened to realize that some other relationships were not worth mending.  We made new friends in our new town.  I got to see old friends here.   We all enjoyed good health.  We counted our blessings.  D got a wild hair and bought a mini van!  ;)   Yes he bought one!  We bought one in 2005 and I traded it in a few years ago..... I thought we were past that phase!  No soccer mom here at my house.  My kids don't play soccer anymore.  Lol!  Just kidding- those mini vans are great.  We are looking ahead to 2017 and making goals (serious goals).  Hoping to make it back to Maui this summer.  Realizing my 1st born will be out of high school in 3.5 years already.   Need to pack in a lot of fun stuff and memories in the years to come.   Cami is going to be blessed with another baby sister....in the next couple weeks!  Yes her birth mom is pregnant again and is due with another baby girl in 2 weeks.  She asked Cami and I to help pick out the middle name for the new baby.  (Awe!  So sweet!)  So Cami and I came up with several names to choose from, and she picked one of them!  Of course Cami put her own name on the list and the names of some of her preschool friends on the list!  lol that girl!)  ;)
I can't wait to see pictures of the new baby.  I'm sure she will be beautiful...her birth mom only makes beautiful kids.  For reals!  Our open adoption with her birthmother is going well.  I've become closer to her paternal birth-grandma too and the foster mom (kinship) of her oldest sister so the kids can stay in touch.  It really is a work in progress....forever evolving, I'm sure.  After watching my friend search for her birth family using an.cestry, I'm glad I stuck it out with the open adoption when things were rocky.  This way we will always have an open path connecting my daughter to her birth family.  It is natural to want to know where you came from and know your roots.  I want my daughter to have easy access to her history.  I also want her to know she is loved so, so much by her birth family.

To wrap up the resolutions for the new year..... there's always that resolution to get back to the darn gym.   Hee hee!   Since the clock is ticking and there are only about 8.5 hours in my time zone left before the clock strikes 12, the window of time for me to stuff my face with junk food is dwindling!   I better go and enjoy the last day of guilt-free snacking.

Cheers to everyone and I hope 2017 is a magnificent year for everyone filled with an abundance of blessings.

November

Oops I just noticed I skipped October's post!  And I have some interesting updates!  We had my daughter's 4th birthday party last month (it was several weeks after her birthday due to fall break and other scheduling conflicts).  Her preschool friends from her new preschool came and it was so fun - she had a blast.  D's brother also came to the party!  I was shocked, but it was nice.  We got along fine and all's well that ends well.  I'm glad he was there to share in our family celebrations with my kids after all this time.  I felt like I could finally exhale about the family drama after the party.  Fresh start. My friend T who moved to CO and her kids were in town and came to the party too!  So that was fun.  Cami loves my friend's daughter!

I can't believe tomorrow is Thanksgiving!  How did that happen already?!
We are having dinner here with my parents, brother, SIL and 10 month old nephew.  Our 1st Thanksgiving in our new house.

We celebrated our 18th wedding anniversary last month in Vegas and our 23 year dating anniversary yesterday!  We sure have had some bad crap flung at us over the past 23 years, but we have always managed to come out on top...together.

I have been busy hanging out with my old friends that live here and also hanging out with some new friends!  The kids are doing well in their new schools (their new schools are all really challenging.....I guess we're getting our money's worth?!)  and making nice new friends.  We are busy all the time, which is good AND bad.  I need to get back to the gym- going out to eat too much at all the yummy restaurants here!  lol

I took my Golden Retriever for her 6 month chest X-ray to see if he cancer has come back yet (it usually metastasizes to the lungs) and it looks clear!  Hooray!  I love that dog so much.

On the adoption front.... this Friday, I will get to meet in real life one of my adoption FB friends!  We were signed up at the same agency and she is in AZ this week visiting.   Her 2 sons are similar ages as my two youngest kids.  Cami's birth mom is pregnant again and due in January with another girl (that's 4/5 babies that are girls!).  Her plan is to parent this baby with her boyfriend/fiance.  I can't wait to see the baby- I'm sure she will be absolutely beautiful. People tell me all the time that my daughter is beautiful.  She is stunning.  I hope to get to meet Cami's new baby sister sometime soon.  Hopefully next year, as this year is almost over.   I just mailed Cami's brother's birthday gifts today.  I hope he likes everything.

Oh well I better go finish cleaning the house for the Turkey day feast tomorrow!

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone.  May you be surrounded by love and laughter and cupcakes.... definitely cupcakes!  (Some things never change!)  Actually, I don't have any cupcakes at my house currently!  What?!  And don't forget to always count your blessings.

4

My baby is 4!   How can she be 4 already?  We had a glorious time celebrating her birthday last week!  We had a family party with dinner and cake, she took treats to preschool, she talked to her birth mom and older birth sister on the phone (so sweet!), her birth mom wrote this heartfelt and loving post on Facebook, my mom and I took her to the American Girl store this weekend and she got her first doll(s) and some accessories, and we had a delicious lunch and birthday cake at the bistro at the store!  SO. MUCH. FUN!!   Her birth sister sent her a birthday present too...oh my goodness how sweet.   She will have a party with her preschool friends in a few weeks.  The theme for the family party was Barbie, and the theme for the preschool party will be My Little Pony.  It should be fun...if the weather cooperates!   The place is outdoors with lots of fun stuff to do.  So many of her birth relatives including both birth grandmas, birth great-aunt, aunt, and her little sister and her adoptive mom who I lovingly refer to as my sister momma, since the girls are sisters!,  ;)   wished her a happy birthday on Facebook and told her they loved her.  Her birth father wished her a happy birthday, too.  I couldn't ask for anything more. Her step great-grandma told her she loved her and wished she could have met her and enjoys watching her grow up on Facebook.  And so did her step-great-grandma's daughter.  Which makes that nice woman her grandma's step-sister.  Bring on the water works.   That warmed my heart so much.  So blessed for our open adoption.

Did I mention she got one of her American Girl doll's ears pierced?!  For reals.  We bought earrings FOR. THE. DOLL, y'all.
I can't even.
They even said not to take the earrings out for 24 hours, or the holes will close.  Just like a human's!

Saturday she had her first dance class at her new dance studio.  It is a combo tap/ballet/tumbling dance class.   She loves her new tap shoes!  She loved the class, and knew a couple girls in her class from this summer preschool program she did here in our new city.  The teacher was great.  Sweet, fun and peppy.   2 of the things I miss most about my old town besides my friends are her dance studio and my hairdresser!  This dance studio is really good and the people seem nice.  I heard they do well at dance competitions too (when she is older we will explore dance competitions!  lol)
I have an appt. with my new hairdresser tomorrow.  

I can't wait to see what this year of being 4 brings for my amazing daughter.

Last Day of 3

Today is my daughter's last day of being 3 years old!  My baby girl, the baby of the family, is turning 4 tomorrow!  I. Can't. Even.
It really does seem like just yesterday when my oldest son, who is now 14, turned 4.  Which means I'm a whole lot older, too!  Yikes.

I'll write more after her big day.  But it is a multi-day celebration between family parties and preschool parties and a trip to the American Girl store!  And of course the annual birthday photo session.  The family party theme is Barbie, and the preschool party theme is My Little Pony.  It's so fun having a daughter, I tell ya!   I love, love, love having a daughter.

My daughter is so smart, and speaks so well that sometimes it's hard to believe she is actually still 3.
Sweet dreams, my sweet cherub.

How Much Blog is Left?

One of my favorite blogs, which was also one of the first blogs I ever read, is done today.  The author is done blogging.  It's an adoption blog.  I am sad.  The last blog post made me teary too!  Fortunately, I am FB friends with her, so I still get to follow her if you will and keep in touch that way.

This blog is fading away too.  I'm lucky if I get one post a month done.  I can't seem to upload pictures to this blog.  :(
The nitty gritty things I really want to talk about shouldn't be discussed on a public blog.  Nothing really major- just things like the inner-workings of the open adoption relationship with C's birth mom, and the ridiculous drama with the in-laws,  and who I think wins the narcissist of the week award.  Lol did I mention my husband and my children weren't even invited to one of his family member's wedding recently?  See-  stuff like that I probably should not blog about.  If they read this, even though it's brutally honest and true, they will still get mad at me for having the audacity to say it.  Besides, not too many people even care about that stuff- even my kids don't care!   For so long I spent so much time and energy worrying about how to get the in-laws to be involved in my kids' lives and I felt so bad for my kids that their only "cousin" was blatantly ignoring them and refused to acknowledge my daughter's existence in the family and even in the world.  Well, it turns out that my kids are doing just fine!  They aren't even butt-hurt the way I am about these people having nothing to do with them in years.   To them, it is a non-issue.   Their egos aren't bruised, their feelings aren't hurt.  They don't stay up late at night wondering what the hell they ever did to have people that were supposed to be family basically eject them from the family.  My daughter has no idea that any of this crap has even occurred, proving that she is doing quite well without them in her life.   She doesn't even know who they are.  My 8 year old  said, "Who is that again?" when his "cousin's" name was mentioned.   He doesn't even remember her.  That makes me sad.  I want my kids to have these relationships and it looks like it will never happen. I need to let it go.  Nobody even cares but me.  Even my husband doesn't care... and they are his family!  lol!   I've tried.
The writing is on the walls.....screaming at me to give it up!   So I will.  But I'm giving myself an "E" for effort in trying to make everyone have a relationship.  

I don't know if I will ever blog again either....but one thing's for sure....this was my last update on the drama and yucky details of the fractured relationship with the in-laws.  Assume they will never come around and try and fix things, which is sad, but a fact of life.  It is what it is, even though that's a hard pill to swallow.  :(

On a better note, my nephew, who for all intents and purposes is my kids' only cousin, is 7 months old!  And oh my goodness is he a cutie!  He is so darling!   C sees pictures of him and always smiles and says, "That's my baby cousin!!"   She is so excited to see pictures of him!  It is so cute to see the love she has for him!  My boys like him too.  He is such a sweet, happy baby!  I wish they lived closer so we could see him more.  I hope they have more cousins soon!!  ;)

We have moved and are still drowning in boxes trying to get everything unpacked.  We are moving full steam ahead with life.  New schools, new house, new city, closer to my parents (YAY!), new travel baseball teams, new doctors, dentists, orthodontist, new hair salons, new pool for swimming lessons, new gymnastics place, and the list goes on and on.  The only thing not new is my friends down here- many of whom I've been friends with for 20-30 years!  And this God-awful heat.  I'm not used to the heat anymore.  But it should cool down next month.

And about the adoption.... because my first blog was originally started as an adoption blog and this has evolved into a family blog (which has included talk of the ugly side of family relationships too because that is a fact of life)........... I've decided in our new town to not immediately tell people she's adopted and tell her adoption story right off the bat.  At some point, that's her story to tell.  The details are hers to share.   So I will leave you with this:  Her birth mom is pregnant again with a baby girl (4 out of her 5 children are girls!).  At this point, it looks like she will be parenting this baby with the baby's father.  I'm happy and hopeful and optimistic that this is finally her fresh start, her chance to start over, her chance to be a mommy in the day-to-day sense of the word.  I can't even imagine how hard that would be to place not just one, but two babies for adoption.   And the thought of placing 3?  My heart is aching for her and what pain she has gone through.   Hopefully this will be her happily ever after.  I am rooting for her birth mom.
Even if she places this baby for adoption, we will not be adopting the baby.  As much as I'd love to have another daughter and a sister for C, our family is complete.

My kids are doing well in their new schools.  I have to give them a lot of credit.  This was a big change, a big move and they are handling it with grace and they are so brave.  We are busy.  I don't have a lot of free time in between the kids and their schools and activities and home projects on this house- new to us, but really an old house.  We closed on our previous house last week and I only had a 2 second twinge in my stomach when my husband told me it was official.  God, I hope we made the right decision for all of us.  I hope we didn't uproot my kids for nothing.  I hope they don't resent us for taking them away from the only town they knew basically, with all the comforts of a small town.....and taking them back to the big city with lots and lots of things to do, endless opportunities, schools that will provide them with amazing educations (for the price tags, they better!  HA!), and family nearby.   They are loving the pool with the diving board in the back yard.  As soon as it gets cooler during the day they can play basketball, go on the in-ground trampoline and play on the jungle gym.  So much to do....do little time to squeeze it all in!  ;)

And as for this blog....I think it too is dwindling down.  I think anyone that cares about my life and my family already follows me on IG or is FB friends with me.   Of course I never discuss details about the adoption or the family drama on there, but I can manage to post pictures!  Haha!  ;)

My baby girl will turn 4 next month.  I cannot believe it!  4 already!  I miss her being a little baby.  She was the best baby.  She is so smart, it blows me away sometimes!  And her memory is amazing.  My mom and I are going to take her to the American Girl store for her birthday and get a doll and have lunch.  She is so excited!  (Cami is so excited, not my mom!  Haha!  But I'm sure grandma is excited too!)  ;)

We are still, as always, talking about taking a trip to NC to see Cambria's birth family and the hospital she was born at.  D wanted to wait until she was around 5 so she would understand it better.  So next summer/ fall I think we will go.  I will probably write one more post after that visit and then tie things all together all neatly with a bow and that will be the end of this blog.  

Happy Labor Day, everyone!

What Happened to July?

Is it just me, or did July fly by in a whirl?!  My mom reminded me tonight that I skipped a July post.  Oops!  But I have a good excuse!  We moved.  To a different city!  I've been so inundated with unpacking this house and entertaining the kids everyday (it's summer break!) that I don't have much time for anything else.  I remember when I was a kid, we never stayed home all day and expected our parents to provide daily entertainment.  We were outside playing and running around with our friends in the neighborhood, getting around on our bikes, and we came home when the street lights came on.  It's not like that anymore, at least not where I live.  I remember playing kickball games in the cul-de-sac of our street with all the kids in the neighborhood.  It was so much fun!

My son started high school today.  Cray cray how fast these past 14 years have gone.  Which means that I am also 14 years older.  Not so fun.  I hope he has a great year.  All my kids are at new schools this year.  I hope and pray that they have smooth transitions, great teachers and make new friends.

As of now, Cambria is slated to have a new baby....sister!  Her birth mom said they told her they thought it was a girl, but the images were somewhat blurry.   She is going to have another ultrasound soon.  Cami was excited when I told her.  I can't believe my baby girl is going to be 4 next month!  I miss the baby stage.  She was the best baby.

Happy August, everybody!

Oh Baby!

Cambria is going to be a big sister...again.  Yes, her birth mom is pregnant again.  I told my daughter that "J" has another baby in her tummy.  She seemed excited.  Of course, she is only 3 and doesn't really understand what all that means.  She knows that she grew in J's tummy and then J placed her with us to be her mommy and daddy forever and ever.   I wonder if this baby is a boy or a girl?  It's still too early to tell.  She has had 3 girls and 1 boy so far.

At first, her birth mom said she was considering adoption again (this would be adoption number three) if some circumstances in her life didn't change.   Then she messaged me last week and said she has decided to keep the baby.  Even if she were making an adoption plan, our family is not looking to grow our family anymore.  Our family is complete.  As much as I would love to adopt Cambria's sister, that stage of our lives is over.  In addition, I honestly feel that babies should stay with their (birth) parents whenever possible.  Despite the fact that I adopted my daughter, I really do believe in family preservation whenever possible and when it's in the best interest of the baby.  So here's the hard part:  if she parents this new baby, what do I tell my daughter when she asks why she and her younger sister were "given away" (I hate that phrase) but her birth mom kept this new baby?   Oy life sure is complicated!  Fortunately, my daughter already is self-confident and hopefully she will understand the reasons such as her birth mom was not in a place to give Cambria the life she wanted for her at the time of her birth.  Anyways, I have been chatting more with Cambria's oldest birth aunt recently that I haven't talked to much,  so that's nice.  She seems really cool and we love the same restaurant!  :)

The kids are out of school on summer break.  Well, my oldest who is starting high school in August (for reals!  How is that possible?!)  got invited to do a summer honors program this summer.  So he's technically still in school!  Plus he's doing the summer freshmen baseball program at the school.  Hey, less time for video games so I'm good with summer school!  ;)
Speaking of my oldest son...he turns 14 soon.  Already!  14 years ago today I was pregnant and had toxemia and was bigger than a whale and it was June in Phoenix so it was hotter than snot!  And I was on bed rest.    Gosh I can't believe it's been 14 years.   4 more years and he will be off to college all on his own!  Who will be there to bug him to do his homework and study and pick up his dirty clothes off the floor and throw his food wrappers in the trash?!   Teenage boys- ugh!  Haha!

Happy summer everyone!

School's Out For Summa !!

It's May 29th.  I almost missed my May post!  Haha I have become a terrible blogger.  Turns out life with 4 busy kids and 2 dogs plus a hubby doesn't leave me much time to blog.  I haven't had too much more to write about that I already haven't talked about.  My boys are busy playing baseball.  My daughter's dance recital is coming up soon!  The nitty gritty details of my daughter's adoption and relationship with her birth family are really hers and theirs to tell.  Her birth mom did message me the other day and asked me to call her- said she had some news to tell me.  I gotta admit I immediately thought pregnancy, or worse.  I messaged her back and asked when was a good time to call and told her that statement usually makes me think someone is pregnant!  And she hasn't responded back yet!  I hope she isn't having any health issues.  We are trying to plan a trip out there to visit them and I also want to take her by the hospital so she can see where she was born.  The hard part is finding time to go.

My house is on the market.  So a lot of people are asking me where I'm moving to.  Another part of town?  Another city?  So much going on here, but it's all for the best intentions for my kids and their education.

Speaking of my kids, they just finished another year of school.  It was a really hard and challenging year and my two youngest were at a new school.  They all did amazing academically and met some nice new friends.   There wasn't an 8th grade promotion ceremony or dance.  I saw a million pictures on Face.book of my friend's kids at different schools getting to enjoy huge productions for 8th grade graduation ceremonies and 8th grade dances.  I'm bummed for my 8th grader not getting to experience anything like that.  Oh sure he got to be recognized at an awards ceremony for his GPA and top 15% of his class (just like every other grade at the school).   On the good side, they learned SO MUCH academically at their new school.  Holy cow can you say advanced curriculum?!  The math skills my 2nd grader learned this year are impressive.  As with anything in life, there's good and bad.  The trick is choosing the thing with the best ratio of positives and negatives.  Next year I will have a child in all different stages of school...preschool, elementary, middle and high school!

Oh and for anyone who has been following the saga with the in-laws..... I have some closure on that subject and am done with it.  YAY!  It has been so liberating.  I finally conversed with the husband of the one who had some mis-guided anger, hostility, dislike  and who also rejected my daughter from the family.    All I will say is I said my peace  in the nicest way possible and maybe, just maybe, some of it will seep in and his rational side will get it finally.  Anyways, I was the bigger person which I am proud of.  I am giving him a chance to prove he wants to have a relationship with my kids.

So here we are at another summer vacation.  Seemingly endless days to fill up with fun and adventures.  It's hard to believe it's Memorial Day weekend and summer vacation- the  weather hasn't been the best.  The public high school graduation was outdoors last night, and a lot of people were wearing coats in the audience!

Wishing everyone a safe and wonderful weekend with their friends and families.  And let's remember and honor who this weekend is really about.  :)

5 years

This past Sunday 5 years ago was the day the baby girl that we thought was going to be our daughter was born.  Yesterday 5 years ago was the day we made one of the most difficult, heartbreaking decisions of our life and said we could not adopt the baby after all because of some circumstances we were not comfortable with.  5 years.  Wow.  So hard to believe that I could have a daughter entering kindergarten this fall.  I wasn't as sad as I had been in years past on these days.  I felt bad and sad that we couldn't make that adoption work out for our family.  I thought of the birth mother, and what she must be thinking and feeling on those two days.  I wonder if she still hates us?  I hope not.  I wish I could tell her that I think of her often and wish I could apologize, again, for the outcome.  I liked her a lot, and it killed me to have to disrupt that adoption.   Then I looked at my baby girl and gave her a big hug and know that things turned out the way they were supposed to.  The daughter God had planned for me all along was right there with me, in my arms.  I don't like to hurt people's feelings and wish we didn't have to experience the failed adoption.

My husband's cousin had asked me a year ago about adoption.  So I sent her a really long message about the steps involved (hello, home study!) and all the different options like adoption agencies, attorneys offices, facilitators, foster-adopt, etc.   Then she suffered another horrible miscarriage.  Today she posted that they are officially pursuing adoption, and are working on their home study!  I'm so happy for them.  I am excited for them to become parents through the miracle of adoption.

Spring Break/ 5 years Ago

The kids were recently on spring break.  We went to Phoenix for a few days to soak up some up the sunshine there.  Then I got really sick with a bad bronchitis and flu symptoms!  So we canceled our trip to Vegas for the end of Spring Break and came home and I camped out on the couch coughing my brains out for 4 days.

Anyways,  I kept thinking about the fact that 5 years ago, on spring break, we were in San Francisco meeting an expectant mom who was making an adoption plan for her daughter.  We were matched with her since January and she was due in May.  We (Dave, our oldest two sons and I) met her, her husband and her 3 kids at the hospital she was going to deliver at.  We all got along famously, so well.  The kids got along and the adults got along.  This baby was the original Cambria.   We really liked her and her family and were all excited about the upcoming delivery in May.    However, I remember one thing that made Dave and I uneasy was that they hadn't told their children about the upcoming adoption.  I'm not sure who their kids thought we were!

Then Dave and I took our kids around San Francisco doing fun, touristy things and eating at our favorite restaurant there, The House of Prime Rib.    We also went ice skating.  The weather was not great- rainy and dark and dreary skies.  But we still had fun on our trip and were glad to meet the woman we were matched with.

She went into labor a month later in April, earlier than her due date.  We scrambled to throw clothes in a suitcase and get ready to head to San Francisco.  All the flights that day were full, so we ended up driving the 12 hour drive there.  A few things had happened the previous week and we were again uneasy with the adoption.  We got to the hospital and met this cute little baby girl and while I don't want to go into details, it just did not feel right.  A few other things that happened at the hospital raised some concerns and made us raise an eyebrow.    Dave and I talked and talked and he had to head home early to go to work, and we talked all the while he was in the shuttle on the way to the airport.  My exact words to him were, "I don't think I can do this."   And we both had that sinking feeling in our stomachs that this was not the right adoption situation for us.  I talked to my mom and my BFF about it.  Then we called the adoption agency and told them the news.  I couldn't believe that after wanting a daughter for so long, that we disrupted this match.  It was devastating and still is to some degree.  I still haven't been back to San Francisco since that fateful day in April 2011.  The birth mother and the adoption agency were mad at us.  Hell, Dave's own SIL was mad at us for backing out, and that was her lame excuse for never accepting my daughter Cambria into the family!  (Sound crazy?  As if she should get to dictate who I adopt and then take it out on an innocent little baby!)  Read my previous posts about the SIL situation if you don't know what I am referring to.  To this day, D's brother thinks that was a rational and valid excuse for his wife and daughter and even himself to have nothing to do with my daughter, their niece and cousin- because she had infertility issues and thought we should have adopted that baby no matter what.  Sigh.....   The whole situation was traumatic and D and I didn't want to talk about it and all the details at first.  I cried everyday for months.  My sons cried over the loss of this baby sister they thought they were going to have.  I slept with the baby's blanket for a month and cried myself to sleep.  We live in a small town, and didn't want the whole town knowing all the details.  Some things should be kept private and sacred.  Besides, it was too painful for me to talk about.  Now that I have my daughter and almost 5 years have passed, I am finally ok to go back to San Francisco for a visit.   I've seen pictures of the original Cambria, and she is so beautiful.  However, I don't think she was meant to be my daughter and I feel she is with the family God had intended her to be with all along.  I look at my daughter and I think she is absolutely the daughter God meant for me to have.  I just wish he didn't put us through that test and I wish other people's feelings didn't have to get hurt in the process.  We never meant to cause the birth family in San Francisco any pain.  I feel bad to this day that the whole thing went down the way it did.

We took some time off of adoption after that failed placement.  We tried to convince ourselves adoption just wasn't in the cards for our family.  But after some time, I realized I did want a baby, but I wanted the baby and adoption situation that was right for everybody involved.  So I got back to the search and signed up with some other agencies, including one who I think just took my deposit money and had no intentions of matching us with an expectant mom.  I think that agency is closed now.  We agreed that if we weren't matched by the end of 2012, that we were going to move onto other things in our lives.  I got a call when I least expected it in September saying we were matched and our baby was born 2 days later!   (A lot of people I have talked to said they got "The Call" when they least expected it.)  I would be lying if I didn't have fears that I would get that same feeling at the hospital that this adoption situation wasn't right, either.  My mom said as I was heading to the airport, "Let's hope you come home with a baby this time."   We didn't tell a soul outside of my parents and kids that we were heading to NC to meet our baby!  I finally told a few people while we were there for 10 days waiting for IC.PC to clear and we were given the go-ahead to come back home with our daughter.  I couldn't face everyone with the news if the adoption fell through again.  After the 10 days was up and we were cleared to fly back home,  I posted a picture of her on FB with the caption, "Meet my daughter!"  Everyone was like, "What???!"   They asked why we didn't tell them sooner.  I laughed and said I myself had just found out 12 days earlier that we were matched! I had to fly out separately because once again this baby came a few weeks early!  ;)   I met my daughter and her birth mom and paternal birth grandma and cousin all at the same time at the hospital!  I kept praying they would all like me and not back out.  I spent the next 10 days praying her birth mother wouldn't change her mind.  That is how I knew she was meant to be my daughter.   Her birth mother signed the relinquishment paperwork 2 days after she was born, and in NC they have 7 days after that to change their mind.  Gosh, time has never moved so slow as it did during those 7 days!  When Cambria's adoption was finalized, I remember reading the paperwork and crying so hard- tears of joy that I could barely read the words on the court papers.  I was holding her in my lap and reading the adoption paperwork at the same time, and I kissed her and said, "You're my daughter forever!"  I was a blubbering mess, a happy mess!  Ha!  That was one of the greatest days of my life.   But if you think about it, adoption always means loss to some people in the triad.  My daughter and her birth mom lost their legal ties to each other that day.  My daughter was obviously too young to understand what my tears meant.  I didn't tell her birth mom when the adoption was finalized.  I didn't want to cause her more pain and sadness.  She never asked.  I would have told her if she had asked.  I read a lot of adoption blogs where the birth mother is upset that she wasn't notified when the adoption was final.  Cambria's birth mom never brought it up.

My daughter is officially 3.5 years old today.  I can't imagine my life without her in it.  It was a long bumpy road to meet her, but I'm glad we didn't give up.  She was meant to be my baby girl.  God just had a different path for us to take to make it happen.  To this day, her birth mom says she doesn't regret her decision.  Sure, she would have liked to be in a place in her life to get to raise her, but she feels she made the best decision.  Open adoptions can be hard and a lot of work sometimes, but I think they are also rewarding.  I am happy that her birth family gets to watch her grow up across the country and that neither my daughter or her birth family will ever have to wonder or worry about how the other is doing.  They can pick up the phone and call or text or send a FB message and ask.

~Wishing everyone a happy and blessed Easter.   xo

March 2016

I can't believe this month is almost half over already!  My middle son turned 11 recently.   Yikes did those 11 years go by fast.  I had a terrible high-risk pregnancy with him, but he is such a great kid.  He was born the earliest out of all 4 kids. And I think he will be the tallest kid!   Out of my 3 pregnancies, his was the only epidural that worked properly!  That's why I decided to go ahead and try for a 3rd baby!  Lol!

We are finally going to get to meet my new nephew soon!  I'm so excited!  He is so cute!

Baseball season has just started, so I will be busy at the baseball field all the time.  Dave managed to not be an assistant coach for any of our sons' teams this year (not sure how that happened!), so he can actually sit in the stands with me and be a spectator parent!  :)

The kids are all doing well in school.  Cami likes preschool.  It is so cute to see her making little friends!  What is even cuter is watching her play mommy to her baby dolls!  She is so loving and sweet to them!

Our open adoption is still going pretty well.  Cambria asked me if I was pregnant the other day- I laughed and said no.  (I had a hysterectomy so it is impossible.)   I just ate too many cupcakes!   Anyways Cambria stuck out her tummy and said she had a baby in there like "J"  (her birth mom) and that she was going to give "J" the baby like "J" gave Cambria to us.   I told her she did not have a baby in her tummy and she was too young.   But on a basic level, she understands that she grew in another woman's tummy and that other woman "J" gave Cambria to us to raise.   And how sweet was that of her to say she was going to give "J" a baby just like "J" did for us?  

Cambria's birth mom said that a family member that was upset with her destroyed  her belongings, including all the pictures I had sent of Cambria to her over the years.  I was almost as sad as she was.  I want her to have pictures.  And I spent so much time over the years getting those pictures taken and printed and mailed to her.  I did send her some doubles that I had found around my house.  I didn't have very many doubles of baby pictures though, and I told her I'd look for some and mail them to her.  She can see pictures on Facebook, but it's not the same as having pictures to hold in your hands.

Cambria got to talk to her birth mom on the phone last month.  It wasn't on FaceTime or Skype, so Cambria's attention span wasn't as good not being able to see who she was talking to.  I hope that didn't make her birth mom sad.

Well it's late and the kids go back to school tomorrow after being on spring break this past week, which means an early morning for all of us.

Happy March!

Happy Leap Day!

It's that time again...once every 4 years!  Happy Leap Day!  Enjoy the day and make the most of the extra time!  I'm always saying "I wish there were more hours in the day."  Well here's an extra 24 hours!

I can't believe 2 months are almost over of this year.  I got some sad news yesterday.  My college roommate's husband passed away on Saturday.  I do not know what he passed away from.  He retired from the marines and NY.PD.  He escaped from 9/11 without a scratch.  Someone had asked him that morning to drive them to the twin towers but he had been working the night shift and someone else offered to give that person a ride instead so he could go home and sleep...and that other person died in the nightmare of 9/11.    We were roommates when she started dating him.  I was in their wedding.  My hubby went to the wedding too....it was so long ago (their 20 year anniversary would have been this June) that my hubby and I were still dating at the time!  I am so sad.  This news hit me pretty hard.   I don't think he was sick beforehand.  But I haven't heard any details just that he passed away and she said it was devastating.  They have 2 kids.  One in college and one in high school.   I was saying how shocked I was, and my husband reminded me that he (my husband) almost died about 6 years ago.   My youngest son was only 4 months old at the time he got sick, and it lasted about 2 years.  That was a hard time for my family.  But we came out on the other end ok and we grew our family and added a daughter afterwards too.   We are the lucky ones.   I wish I could go to the funeral, but they are in New York.

In other big news, I gave up FB for lent.  I read things occasionally on there, but no posting or commenting.  My oldest son starts high school in the fall.  We have been busy trying to decide which high school he will go to.  Baseball tryouts happened recently so that means I will live at the baseball fields 7 days a week!  Zack's travel team plays games on Saturdays and Sundays and between the 3 boys, practices will be most days from Monday-Saturday.  But I secretly love it!

Now it's time to start working on me again and working out and eating healthy and getting back into shape.   Time to "leap" off of this computer!  Haha!

I'm an Auntie!

Extra extra!  Read all about it!  I FINALLY became an auntie yesterday!  My brother and SIL had a baby yesterday.  They didn't find out the gender until the delivery.  What the what?!  Hello impatient me!  I had so many ultrasounds with each pregnancy that waiting until he delivery to find out the gender was pretty near impossible.  I knew I was having 3 boys way before I even had the ultrasound!  HA!  And so of course I predicted my brother would also be having a boy and I was right!  My dad has 4 brothers and no sisters so I guessed boy.  Our family doesn't make too many girls!  Anyways I was right!  My cute nephew was born yesterday.  I am so excited.  I am excited for my brother and SIL to be a family of 3.  I am excited that I am finally an auntie!  I am excited that my kids finally have a cousin!  I cannot wait to meet him.  They live in another state so hopefully we can make it out there soon.

I felt kind of weird having my adoption friends see my post of their new baby.  The adoption friends with no biological kids.  That can be painful to see that.  I'm sure they would like to bring a baby home from the hospital without looking back over their shoulder constantly wondering if the birth parents were going to change their mind and take the baby back.  No stress other than hoping the baby is healthy.  Oh well you can't fault people for being able to have biological children.   I've said before that I am happy to have grown my family both ways....I have been blessed with biological and adopted children.   After having biological children, I knew just how much birth moms sacrifice when they place a baby for adoption.   That bond is so great the minute the baby enters the world.  That means a lot when a birth mom entrusts you with her baby forever.  Something else noteworthy happened- their new baby did not make me want to have another.  I had that feeling for so many years.  It finally went away.  I am happy and content with my family.  And I am utterly thrilled for my brother and SIL.  My nephew weighed more than my brother, my kids or I did!  LOL!  Big healthy baby with cute chubby cheeks!

I mentioned that I am finally an aunt and my kids finally have a cousin.  If you've been reading my blog, you might be thinking "but you are already an aunt and your kids do have a cousin already".
Technically, that is true.  But since "those people" have chosen for whatever crazy reason they have concocted  to not acknowledge my children and pretend they don't exist, they don't really count as relatives anymore.    :(

  I am so excited to meet my new nephew!
Now....let the spoiling by this auntie begin!  ;)

Happy New Year 2016!

I cannot believe it is 2016 already!  This year 2015 was a blur it went by so fast!  It was better than 2014.  The 2 family members with cancer (one human family member, one furry family member!) finished chemo (and also radiation for the human family member) and they are both in remission.  YAY!   Such wonderful news!  Also, my brother got married in February, and it was a very fun, nice wedding.  They are pregnant and expecting my first niece or nephew (I'm going to guess the baby is a boy!) in 3 weeks!!  I am so excited to finally be an aunt and for my kids to have a cousin!!  Well, technically I have a niece by marriage and my kids technically have a cousin, but she has chosen to have nothing to do with any of my kids and has still never acknowledged that my 3-year-old daughter is even alive and on this planet.  Can you imagine?   She is in her 20's and at this point I am ashamed to technically be related to her and her parents, for that matter.    My friend posted something today about the new year and her motto for the new year is going to be Let That Shit Go!  I think I need to also adopt her motto!!  ;)
Anyways, we are excited for my kids' real cousin to arrive!!

What a year this has been!  I have sucked at blogging.  So much going on with the kids and their activities and family vacations.  I still haven't figured out how to post pictures from this computer.  Some highlights from the year have been:
~ Zachary making the All Star baseball team and his team winning the district championships for the 3rd year in a row and at the state tournament, he hit a home run which tied up the game and at his next at bat got a single which enabled them to win the game and not be eliminated from the tournament.  They eventually lost, but coming from a small town, they did great!  He also tied for the most home runs in the spring little league season!  He also held the record for striking out the most batters when he was pitching!  He got straight A's last year and this year so far.  He won an award for most enjoyable to coach player at a baseball camp this summer.
~Jacob switched to a new, more rigorous school this year and did fantastic and got on the honor roll twice (top 15% of his class) and was one of two boys to make the middle school basketball team!  He also was in the guitar club and played at the Christmas concert at school!  Jacob did a great job snorkeling in the open water in Maui...... watching the videos afterwards did freak out his grandmother and me!  Lol!
~Joshua also switched to a new, more rigorous school this year and did fantastic and got in the 90's club (90% or higher average in all classes).  Joshua went hiking with the big boys (mine and our friends'  kids) in Hawaii this summer and jumped off cliffs into lakes!  I was not there to witness this, thank goodness!   Daddy was in charge that day!  He also went snorkeling with his brothers and my hubby and me in the open water in Maui and did great!
~Cambria was in her very first dance recital in May (and technically so was I since it was mommy-and-me dance class!)  We danced to "Here Comes the Sun" and it was so much fun!  She did great and our dance class ended up in the newspaper!  ;)  She is also doing better in swim lessons and loves the water!
~Fun trips included many to Phoenix/Scottsdale, attending Diamondbacks and Suns games, stay-cations at fun resorts, trips to Maui and Oahu, Las Vegas, and California- L.A. and San Diego and visiting LegoLand (Cami's birthday request!), Sea World, Disneyland and California Adventure.  We also had fun times visiting family and friends.

I wish everyone a happy and healthy new year 2016 full of laughs, love and good health.