I think I wrote my last post late Sunday night (after midnight). Dave's SIL passed away on Monday afternoon. Her daughter barely made it home in time from overseas on Sunday night to see her and say goodbye. Her mother was unresponsive and didn't get to say anything to her daughter.
Her funeral was today. We did not go. Her last words to me on this earth a month ago when she spewed venomous words at me for 40 minutes were, "You are a cancer in this family." (Interesting choice of words from a cancer patient, no?) And then she screamed "F-You" at me, and that is when I finally chose to end the phone call and not take her verbal nastiness anymore. My brother-in-law's last words to me during that phone call were, "You are not a member of this family anymore. Nobody likes you."
Last week I found out they told my in-laws they would never accept my daughter into the family after we brought her home.
Imagine that. A little 7 lb 3 oz baby.....they were so threatened by the mere thought of my daughter that they would never accept her into the family? Grow up people, for God's sake.
I'm sure that the reason they said this (and held true to their word of not accepting my daughter into the family and barely acknowledging her existence) was because she took away their daughter's position of being the only granddaughter on that side of the family. Jealousy rearing it's ugly head. Sigh....
And we found out they were talking sh*t about us behind our backs for the past 2 years at least. D talked to his brother and told him all the reasons we would not be at the funeral. That we're sure she told her family just her side of the story....she probably didn't tell them the whole story- about the things she said and did to me. So her family would probably cause a scene if we showed up to the funeral. His brother said he understood and wasn't mad. He didn't even try and say that stuff wasn't true.
So my thoughts on this event......
I am sorry she died. I am sorry she had to suffer through that awful disease. I am sorry her daughter is left without a mother at such a young age. I wish I knew why she hated me so much. D and I have gone over this so many times.....trying to think of any reason why she hated me so much. I have honestly never done anything to her in the almost 21 years that I knew her to warrant her thinking so poorly of me. It is sad. The whole situation is beyond sad. I never in a million years would have thought D and I and our kids wouldn't have attended her funeral. My real SIL didn't go either. And my in-laws didn't go....my MIL is way too sick to travel and my FIL didn't want to leave her alone. So none of the immediate family was at the funeral on our side.
I posted a quick thing on FB about her passing. People ask me all the time how she is doing, so I figured I'd write a post about it to inform everyone at once. It wasn't warm and fuzzy, just kind of matter-of-fact. People were so kind and posted such sweet and supportive messages. I kind of felt like a fraud. But how do I post on FB that in reality, my SIL was a really mean person to me and in the end she told me she'd never liked me? So I just thanked everyone for the kind words and kept it short and sweet.
We tried to patch things up with her in the summer. That backfired. My in-laws tried to get everyone together this spring. They refused. We said we would go and would be nice and polite.
Sometimes I get sick of being told to forgive and forget and be the bigger person. It really didn't get us anywhere with them.
BTW, she had the same brain tumor as the girl whose story has gone viral recently who moved to a state that has dying with dignity laws. The girl in the news does not want to experience the horrific suffering that comes with this brain tumor. D's SIL was unresponsive the last week of her life. It happened suddenly, so she didn't have time to say goodbye to everyone. She suffered a lot in the end. It was a horrible way to finish out her days on this earth. I still don't think I could ever do it. I don't have the guts to do it. But I also have 4 young kids who rely on me...a lot. I would fight my hardest to spend as much time as possible with them.
OK now that I've written the end of the story....her story.....on my blog, I am putting it to rest. I am not going to talk about her anymore. I can ask myself the same question of why she hated me a million times, and I will never have the answer. I wish things had ended differently. I wish we had made up and were on good terms when she passed. I really do. But wishes don't always come true.
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