Turn The Other Cheek

This post is  not a fun, hey look at pictures of my cute kids, kind of post.  It is a serious and raw post.  So if you are not up for that kind of post, please skip this one and tune in next week.  My son is making his first communion and confirmation at church in a few months.  The parents have to go to several parent meetings throughout the year.  Last night the teacher and some parents were talking about something the priest said at church recently...about what turn the other cheek really means.  It doesn't mean to just take it and take it and take it and let the other person continue to treat you like crap.  It means you don't have to be happy about the poor way the other person is treating you-- but you can choose to not hate them for treating you in the poor manner they are.  The other teacher said that forgiveness is not about letting the other person get away with bad behavior, it's about giving you peace in your own life.

This is how I have kind of felt about my husband's SIL.  She has treated us like crap, me especially and is hypocritical and is upset with me about something that she did to me first.  (Yes, here I go again.)  I brought this up to her, and she refused to acknowledge it. In fact, I came up with 8 paragraphs worth of examples of how she has wronged me over the years.  She refused to acknowledge any of it, much less apologize.  (Shallow, maybe?)  I apologized almost a year ago (even tho I didn't think I did anything wrong.)  My husband is that kind of a person- a turn the other cheek kind of person.  In fact, he laughed at her ridiculous, hypocritical, narcissistic, self-centered behavior.  He refuses to let her bad behavior affect him and ruin his day.  He was like just apologize, and let's move on.  Well, I did apologize, and I thought things were ok.  But apparently I was wrong.....she still refuses to see us. I don't know what else to do.  (If you're asking yourself why don't we call her and just get it all out in the open- she has cancer, and my husband said that would make us look bad if we confronted her while she has cancer.)  D confronted his brother with some of these issues, and raised a lot of good points.  His brother said, "Yeah, I guess you're right."  But did he go home and tell his wife that we are not in the wrong?  Probably not.   They didn't send us a Christmas card.  My husband didn't hear from his only brother for 6 weeks after Christmas.  And he's ok with it.  I think that's crazy.  Maybe he's got the right idea....instead of sitting around getting upset about being treated so crappy by your family, he isn't going to waste another second of his precious life (he came very close to dying a couple times when he was really sick 4-5 years ago) worrying about people who obviously don't care about him like they should.   She texted me (by mistake) a month or so ago at 12:30 AM.  The text was obviously meant for someone else.  I texted her in the morning, telling her I think she texted me by mistake.  She replied back, "That's hilarious!"   
REALLY??  That's hilarious??  What's hilarious- that you texted me and woke me up at 12:30 AM?  (How rude!!)   She never apologized or even said ooops (of course not!) and went on talking about herself blah blah blah.   That's it!  She of course did not even ask me how we were doing.  At first I laughed and was like ok, par for the course.  But then the reality sunk in.  She has 3 nephews and a niece that she hasn't seen in a year and knows nothing about now.  And doesn't care!  That's so sad.  My husband says we have to invite them to my son's birthday party next month. (Turn that other cheek....again!)   Why?  So they can ignore the invitation and show us yet again that they don't give a crap about my kids and my family?  He says we should invite them to continue to be the bigger person.  I feel so bad for my kids.  It's a sad reality when their aunt, uncle, and cousin could not care any less about them.  My kids have never done anything wrong to their uncle, aunt and cousin to be treated as if they don't exist.  (Remember my husband's SIL didn't acknowledge my daughter until she was almost 3 months old?)  And now that she has deleted D and me on Facebook, she has no way to see what's going on in our lives.  But yet she whines that she feels as if we have forgotten about her!  OMG hello she deleted us on FB and won't talk to us- how on earth would we know what's going on with her?

Anyways, I've been trying to get over my hurt feelings when they continue to slight us.  Some days are better than others.  It's them with the problem, not us, yeah yeah yeah.  Funny how that works, because she is the one acting as if  we are in the wrong and refusing to see us (even tho we're not in the wrong) and I'm the one pissed off. 

I must work on this personality trait that I have.  I need to turn the other cheek and just forgive her for treating me so badly- for my own peace.  Otherwise, it will eat me alive.  My hair is falling out.  It is snapping and breaking off.  I think it's partly from my hysterectomy surgery and the anesthesia.  And I think it was partly from the incredible amount of stress I've been under this school year with my 2 sons having a ridiculous amount of homework and school projects this year.  And I think it's from the stress of dealing with people like her.  I just need to learn to let it go, and not always want to be "right" and have the last word.  But I am right......

:)    hee hee!

I went to the lab and had bloodwork done, and they screwed up and only did part of the labs.  I have to drag myself back to the lab (fasting no less) for the rest of the bloodwork. 

I wish I wasn't as sensitive as I am.  I wish this didn't bother me.  I wish I could forgive other people easily.  Like my kids do- they forgive kids at school who are mean to them so easily.  And they never hold grudges.  My goal is to someday soon view this relationship (or lack of one) with D's SIL in a different light.  I can't let her poor treatment of me and her indifference to my children make me sad or hurt or upset.  I need to forgive her and just attribute her behavior to "that's just how she is".  Whether it's right or wrong, it just is what it is.  I don't have the time to dwell on this anymore, even if I think I am right.  My kids have too much homework that they need help with!  lol

At first I was kind of mad at myself for dredging up all of this again.  I thought I was doing better dealing with the situation.  Until I went to this church meeting last night and they talked about this turn the other cheek meaning.  But now I realize that I had to bring it all up again because I had to work through it all and really assess and pick apart my feelings.  I had to bring it up again so I could properly process it and learn how to work through it and get on the other side of it and not let it affect me anymore. 

OK, so enough of this Debbie-downer stuff.  The next post will be happy and upbeat.  And about rainbows and unicorns.

Well, I do have one other question that's related to adoption (and not to D's SIL).  I saw on the news where this family who adopted a child took him back to the agency (he's about 9 I think).  They said he has behavior issues and the child refuses to get help for them.  There's this phenomenon going on in adoption called "re.homing".  Finding a new adoptive family willing to adopt your child that you have adopted.  Anyways, these adoptive parents have a court case and may be fined or given jail time for basically abandoning this child.  And that lady who sent her unruly adopted child back to Russia a few years ago now has to pay child support for that child.  OK so here's my question....what about the birth parents?  What about the first parents the child had that either placed the child voluntarily after trying to parent for a while, or had the child removed from their care for neglect or abuse?  What about those parents?  Shouldn't they also be fined or imprisoned or forced to pay child support for the child they created and aren't taking care of?  How come only the adoptive parents that tried to give this child a good life are being punished for realizing they are in over their heads with this child and are not equipped to deal with all of the child's issues and perhaps another family would be?  I don't really have any answers about this, just questions.