1 year ago today, we took our daughter home from the hospital! We didn't take her home to AZ, but we took her "home" to the hotel in NC, where we would stay until Oct. 3rd when ICPC was cleared and we were able to travel across state lines with her.
What a day that was! Suddenly I have a new baby. A daughter. Oh my word, it was exhilarating and so special. I fell instantly in love with her.
That morning before hospital discharge, the hospital photographer came in the room and took her newborn pictures. They turned out amazing. The nurse wheeled her birth mom (along with her birth father) down to the hospital lobby and their car, and then came back up for us. I rode down to the lobby in a wheelchair, and Cambria was in my lap. I have this picture of the 3 of us- Dave was standing behind us in the wheelchair. It feels like just yesterday. I was beaming.
But that day was bittersweet. We were so happy, but the thing that brought us such joy brought her birth mother such heartache.
Again, I'm teary eyed thinking of this day.
Her birth parents took some time to say good bye to their precious daughter alone in the hospital room, then they put her in her carseat and we came in the room and they left. What an image. What a memory. The 4 of us crying in the hospital, hugging and saying goodbye. I can't imagine what that was like for her birth mother to give her daughter to us- strangers at the time. I mean, I saw what it was like for her on the outside- crying and sadness. But I wonder what it was like for her on the inside? I'm sure she felt like she was dying on the inside. Losing a piece of herself. But she was strong and wise beyond her years, and knew that she couldn't give her daughter the life she wanted for her. And so she entrusted us with her sweet daughter. What an honor for us.
We spent the week hanging out as a family of 3 (my sons were back in AZ with my parents). Dave and I have reflected back on that time often and with fondness. It was easy and carefree (as much as it could be with a newborn! HA!).....well, except for worrying about her birth mother changing her mind and taking the baby back. Her state has a 7 day revocation period. We took a lot of walks with the baby in the stroller, went out to eat and to the mall and, oh yeah made a few trips to the pediatrician's office there! She had jaundice, and we kept having to get her bilirubin levels checked. And we just hung out in the hotel room and snuggled with our new daughter. Did I say daughter? I finally had a daughter!
How was it so possible for me to fall in love so quickly with this baby that I did not carry in my womb for 9 months? It wasn't just possible, it was easy!!
God has blessed us in so many ways. I feel like this baby and I were meant to find each other.
What an incredible journey.
Thursday, September 26, 2013
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Hello, My Daughter!
1 year ago today, I met my daughter for the first time! She was born on Sept. 23, 2012 at 11:41 PM. I flew out to NC on a red eye flight that night. I landed in NC on Sept. 24, 2012 bright and early and met her a little after noon that day. I met Cambria for the first time when she was a little over 12 hours old. I still get butterflies in my stomach when I think about walking into that hospital room for the first time. Her birth father's mom was in the room at the time, and some of her birth mother's friends were there too. I was so nervous to meet her birth mother and her family and friends. But they were all so nice. I stayed for a while, then left to go pick up Dave from the airport. We went back to the hospital, and we met her birth father. Then we went to our hotel and took a deep breath! "Wow, was this really happening?" I kept thinking that to myself. It was! It was, it was, it was.
I still get teary eyed every time I think of that special time when Cambria was first born. I wonder when that will stop? Maybe I don't want it to.
We had Cambria's birthday party on Sunday. It was so nice. I can't believe it's been a year already. One of the fastest years of my life! Yesterday, on her actual birthday, I got 2 dome cakes- one was Cinderella, and one was Tinkerbell. She LOVED that cake! Tomorrow I'm having our photographer take her 1st birthday pictures.
I am so tired from all of the weekend festivities....I'll upload pictures later from her 1st birthday party.
I still get teary eyed every time I think of that special time when Cambria was first born. I wonder when that will stop? Maybe I don't want it to.
We had Cambria's birthday party on Sunday. It was so nice. I can't believe it's been a year already. One of the fastest years of my life! Yesterday, on her actual birthday, I got 2 dome cakes- one was Cinderella, and one was Tinkerbell. She LOVED that cake! Tomorrow I'm having our photographer take her 1st birthday pictures.
I am so tired from all of the weekend festivities....I'll upload pictures later from her 1st birthday party.
Sunday, September 22, 2013
1 year ago! "THE CALL"
This post is a day late. I have been so busy since the boys went back to school. I am constantly running in 10 different directions!
Yesterday, September 21st, was a notalgic kind of a day. One year ago yesterday, we got a call (also known in adoption circles as "THE CALL"!) that would change our lives forever....for the better.
The call was to let us know that we were matched, we were chosen by an expectant mom in NC to adopt her baby girl. OMG! Can you say holy happiness! Gah, I still have butterflies in my stomach when I think of this special, amazing, exciting time last year! We were finally going to be parents to a baby girl! My sons were finally going to have a baby sister!
She was due on October 10th. So we still had 19 days to go....to plan and prepare last minute details. 19 days! Or so we thought.
It was so hard to keep this exciting news to ourselves. My husband said not to tell anyone (except for our family and really close friends) this time around. We had a horrible adoption fall-through 18 months (from the due date) before, and it just made us relive the nightmare when we had to explain to everyone what had happened.
I was so damn giddy with excitement, but nervous and scared. Not nervous and scared that we would back out again, but that the expectant mom would back out this time.
D and I had made plans that morning to go see that movie "Trou.ble With the Cur.ve" later that night. All I knew was that it was a baseball movie and I knew who were the main actors in it. JT- anyone?! :)
So then we got the call around 2:00 that day. I was BUSTING with excitement when I went to pick up the kids from school. But Jacob had his friend in the car with us for a playdate, so I couldn't say anything yet....
That night D and I went to the movie and guess where it took place at? Yep, you guessed it- North Carolina!! I just knew then that this was meant to be, and this sweet baby that I was already falling in love with would be our daughter!
I knew about this adoption situation back in June of 2012. We had applied to be shown to her, but our profile was not shown to her in the first showing. (Well, she couldn't open the link to our adoption profile.) She picked a different adoptive family. Then she was told to pick a back-up family, and she could open our profile book at that time, and she picked us. I wouldn't find out this piece of information until 3 months later when I was sitting holding Cambria in her birth mom's hospital room! I remember feeling so disappointed back in June of 2012 when we found out we were not chosen. For some reason, I really felt a connection to these people and felt like this was the right adoption situation for us. So on Sept. 20th, the day before we got "THE CALL", the original adoptive family withdrew from the adoption. I don't really know the details, but at that point Cambria's birthmom said she had to find another adoptive family for her baby before she had the baby...and the due date was Oct. 10th and was coming up soon. On Sept. 21st, she looked at profile books again, and picked us! When I found out it was this particular expectant mom that had picked us, I was sooo excited, saying "This was the adoption situation that I really wanted to be chosen for!"
Can you say "meant to be?!
I really haven't talked about the details of our adoption much on the blog or on FB. It brings tears to my eyes while writing about the personal details one year later....tears of joy, of course.
I went to sleep on Sept. 21, 2012 feeling so extremely happy and hopeful.
I still hadn't talked to her birthmom yet. But I couldn't wait to talk to this brave, strong woman.
As a side note, I've had many people tell me over the past year that I seem so happy and content since Cambria has joined our family. It's true. I am. She was the missing piece to our puzzle.
Do you belive in fate and destiny? I sure do.
Yesterday, September 21st, was a notalgic kind of a day. One year ago yesterday, we got a call (also known in adoption circles as "THE CALL"!) that would change our lives forever....for the better.
The call was to let us know that we were matched, we were chosen by an expectant mom in NC to adopt her baby girl. OMG! Can you say holy happiness! Gah, I still have butterflies in my stomach when I think of this special, amazing, exciting time last year! We were finally going to be parents to a baby girl! My sons were finally going to have a baby sister!
She was due on October 10th. So we still had 19 days to go....to plan and prepare last minute details. 19 days! Or so we thought.
It was so hard to keep this exciting news to ourselves. My husband said not to tell anyone (except for our family and really close friends) this time around. We had a horrible adoption fall-through 18 months (from the due date) before, and it just made us relive the nightmare when we had to explain to everyone what had happened.
I was so damn giddy with excitement, but nervous and scared. Not nervous and scared that we would back out again, but that the expectant mom would back out this time.
D and I had made plans that morning to go see that movie "Trou.ble With the Cur.ve" later that night. All I knew was that it was a baseball movie and I knew who were the main actors in it. JT- anyone?! :)
So then we got the call around 2:00 that day. I was BUSTING with excitement when I went to pick up the kids from school. But Jacob had his friend in the car with us for a playdate, so I couldn't say anything yet....
That night D and I went to the movie and guess where it took place at? Yep, you guessed it- North Carolina!! I just knew then that this was meant to be, and this sweet baby that I was already falling in love with would be our daughter!
I knew about this adoption situation back in June of 2012. We had applied to be shown to her, but our profile was not shown to her in the first showing. (Well, she couldn't open the link to our adoption profile.) She picked a different adoptive family. Then she was told to pick a back-up family, and she could open our profile book at that time, and she picked us. I wouldn't find out this piece of information until 3 months later when I was sitting holding Cambria in her birth mom's hospital room! I remember feeling so disappointed back in June of 2012 when we found out we were not chosen. For some reason, I really felt a connection to these people and felt like this was the right adoption situation for us. So on Sept. 20th, the day before we got "THE CALL", the original adoptive family withdrew from the adoption. I don't really know the details, but at that point Cambria's birthmom said she had to find another adoptive family for her baby before she had the baby...and the due date was Oct. 10th and was coming up soon. On Sept. 21st, she looked at profile books again, and picked us! When I found out it was this particular expectant mom that had picked us, I was sooo excited, saying "This was the adoption situation that I really wanted to be chosen for!"
Can you say "meant to be?!
I really haven't talked about the details of our adoption much on the blog or on FB. It brings tears to my eyes while writing about the personal details one year later....tears of joy, of course.
I went to sleep on Sept. 21, 2012 feeling so extremely happy and hopeful.
I still hadn't talked to her birthmom yet. But I couldn't wait to talk to this brave, strong woman.
As a side note, I've had many people tell me over the past year that I seem so happy and content since Cambria has joined our family. It's true. I am. She was the missing piece to our puzzle.
Do you belive in fate and destiny? I sure do.
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Warm Up
3 posts 3 days in a row!
At first when I saw this, I thought oh yeah, this is true and inspiring, blah blah blah. But then I looked at it a different way....like when my husband was really sick and almost died a few years ago. Was that the warm-up? Gawd, I hope not!! That was horrible and scary and I can't imagine having to go thru worse stuff than that or have him be sicker than that.
On a different spin, my middle schooler says his teachers give them warm ups to do at the beginning of class....little warm up worksheets to do.
That is all.
At first when I saw this, I thought oh yeah, this is true and inspiring, blah blah blah. But then I looked at it a different way....like when my husband was really sick and almost died a few years ago. Was that the warm-up? Gawd, I hope not!! That was horrible and scary and I can't imagine having to go thru worse stuff than that or have him be sicker than that.
On a different spin, my middle schooler says his teachers give them warm ups to do at the beginning of class....little warm up worksheets to do.
That is all.
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Tears & Squeals
2 posts 2 days in a row-WOW! What's up with that?!?!
I was gone down in Phoenix all day today for a neurology appt. I met up with my BFF for lunch beforehand and a little shopping. It was a nice day, minus this hideous amount of rain we have been getting. As I was driving back into town, I met Dave and the kiddos for dinner. Cami saw me in the parking lot of the restaurant, and started laughing and squealing and outstretched her arms for me to pick her up. OMG you guys, my heart melted! Then a while later, I got up from the table to use the restroom at the restaurant, and she started crying! Never mind that Dave and her 3 brothers were still at the table right next to her.....she cried for me! And I was only gone for 10 hours today! (I guess that is a lot of time to be apart when she and I are normally attached at the hip all day long!)
I love that girl so much....I hope she knows that.
I was gone down in Phoenix all day today for a neurology appt. I met up with my BFF for lunch beforehand and a little shopping. It was a nice day, minus this hideous amount of rain we have been getting. As I was driving back into town, I met Dave and the kiddos for dinner. Cami saw me in the parking lot of the restaurant, and started laughing and squealing and outstretched her arms for me to pick her up. OMG you guys, my heart melted! Then a while later, I got up from the table to use the restroom at the restaurant, and she started crying! Never mind that Dave and her 3 brothers were still at the table right next to her.....she cried for me! And I was only gone for 10 hours today! (I guess that is a lot of time to be apart when she and I are normally attached at the hip all day long!)
I love that girl so much....I hope she knows that.
Monday, September 9, 2013
Nostalgia- From a Different Point of View
I talked to Cambria's birthmom twice in the past week. She is pregnant again, and is placing Cambria's birth sibling for adoption. This has hit me harder than I thought it would. I hope that I can have some contact with the new adoptive family so the siblings can have contact when they are older.
Anyways, she was talking about things leading up to the placement of Cambria. Nostalgia- from a different point of view. It is so interesting to hear how things were going for her while at the same time remembering how I was jumping around like a crazy fool throwing my stuff into a suitcase and racing to the airport! She was so sad knowing she was going to place her sweet daughter into another family's arms and I was so ecstatic with the news that I was finally going to have a daughter to love and cherish...and spoil. ;)
She was worried that after the last family withdrew from the match, that she wasn't going to find another adoptive family. I was so worried that she was going to change her mind and parent.
I did tell her birthmom that although it sucked for her birthmom to have the match disrupted so close to her delivery date, that I'm glad the other family backed out because I get to have Cambria as my daughter. I also said that I sometimes think about this other adoptive mother and say what she is missing out on by not getting to raise Cambria...because she is the most amazing baby girl. Besides me- right, mom?! :)
I'm not sure if I had mentioned this on this blog before, but she was matched with a different family for several months, and they had to withdraw from the match at the last minute. So then we got the call. 2 days before she went into labor. How weird and scary it must have been for Cambria's birthmom to suddenly lose the security she felt with having this adoptive family picked out for all those months, and have that disappear in an instant. And then POOF! this new family shows up (she picked us, but still....she didn't know us for very long at all). I have heard many people's opinions on the openness of our adoption...some think it is great to have this open of a relationship, and others tell me that I should make it more closed. I am trying to do right by her birthmom. Especially since she didn't know us for very long before she placed her baby in our arms forever. It's like we are building the relationship after the fact....getting to know each other after we brought her daughter home to be our daugther. And every time I talk to her, I learn a little more about her birthmom, her extended birth family and the pregnancy. More things to tell Cambria when she is older.....cuz I know she's gonna want to know.
Maybe I'm naive....I sort of think that if I have this open adoption and the information about her adoption and birth family is always available from day one to Cambria (her birth parent's picture is on her dresser), that when she is 18 she won't think of her adoption as mysterious and suddenly run off and try and reunite with her birth family and live happily ever after....because she'll have grown up knowing them all along.
Anyways- I ordered Cambria's 1st birthday outfit for her party today. OMG- so cute!
Anyways, she was talking about things leading up to the placement of Cambria. Nostalgia- from a different point of view. It is so interesting to hear how things were going for her while at the same time remembering how I was jumping around like a crazy fool throwing my stuff into a suitcase and racing to the airport! She was so sad knowing she was going to place her sweet daughter into another family's arms and I was so ecstatic with the news that I was finally going to have a daughter to love and cherish...and spoil. ;)
She was worried that after the last family withdrew from the match, that she wasn't going to find another adoptive family. I was so worried that she was going to change her mind and parent.
I did tell her birthmom that although it sucked for her birthmom to have the match disrupted so close to her delivery date, that I'm glad the other family backed out because I get to have Cambria as my daughter. I also said that I sometimes think about this other adoptive mother and say what she is missing out on by not getting to raise Cambria...because she is the most amazing baby girl. Besides me- right, mom?! :)
I'm not sure if I had mentioned this on this blog before, but she was matched with a different family for several months, and they had to withdraw from the match at the last minute. So then we got the call. 2 days before she went into labor. How weird and scary it must have been for Cambria's birthmom to suddenly lose the security she felt with having this adoptive family picked out for all those months, and have that disappear in an instant. And then POOF! this new family shows up (she picked us, but still....she didn't know us for very long at all). I have heard many people's opinions on the openness of our adoption...some think it is great to have this open of a relationship, and others tell me that I should make it more closed. I am trying to do right by her birthmom. Especially since she didn't know us for very long before she placed her baby in our arms forever. It's like we are building the relationship after the fact....getting to know each other after we brought her daughter home to be our daugther. And every time I talk to her, I learn a little more about her birthmom, her extended birth family and the pregnancy. More things to tell Cambria when she is older.....cuz I know she's gonna want to know.
Maybe I'm naive....I sort of think that if I have this open adoption and the information about her adoption and birth family is always available from day one to Cambria (her birth parent's picture is on her dresser), that when she is 18 she won't think of her adoption as mysterious and suddenly run off and try and reunite with her birth family and live happily ever after....because she'll have grown up knowing them all along.
Anyways- I ordered Cambria's 1st birthday outfit for her party today. OMG- so cute!
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
September! Nostalgia!
Sept. 4th...already?!?! On this day last year, Cambria was making her way to enter the world in 19 more days...on September 23rd! The only thing? I didn't know it at the time! I didn't get "The Call" until Sept. 21st that she was going to be my baby girl, and at that point, I thought I had a little more time to get everything ready for her arrival! She was due October 10th. So I had 19 more days from that day until October 10th to prepare, or so I thought. That's weird that both are 19 days apart!
Anyways...I only told a few close people that we were matched. I was still stinging from our horrible adoption fall-through the year before. Sunday the 23rd I was taking my kids to the pool for swimming lessons, and I got another important call....Cambria's birthmom J was in labor! 5 cm dilated! In a state that was literally on the other side of the country! I remember being at the pool while they were at their lessons, and I was pacing and so fidgety and giddy and excited!! Dave booked me a flight on the red eye, my parents came up to my house, and my dad drove me to the airport! I talked to J on the phone on the way to the airport, Cambria had been born, and she was definitely a she (no surprises!). I was about to get on the plane, and I knew that no matter what happened, my life would never be the same again!
A really hard part of all of this was that we didn't tell very many people. It was so hard to talk about our previous failed adoption. I knew I couldn't face everyone in my small town if this adoption fell through also. I had to wait until October 2nd to post anything on FB...that's when her revocation period ended. I was dying to share my exciting news with everyone! I remember texting my close friends and mom the daily picture of Cambria until I could post pics on FB. :)
It was such an exciting, exhilarating time in my life. Meeting my daughter for the first time, bringing her home, etc. I know Cambria is our last baby. I am ok with that. But I am sad that I won't get to experience that moment in time again. This moment is so different with an adoption vs. actually delivering the baby yourself, obviously. I am glad I got to experience both, as I've said before. But the interesting thing? If I were to ever do it again, I'd want to do another adoption vs. have a biological baby. I've had 3 children, and maybe it's because I had such hideous pregnancies, but I don't really want to be pregnant again.
The only thing that sucks about this? There are 2 birthparents, on the other side of the country, that had to lose a piece of themselves and be heartbroken so that I can experience the joys of raising a daughter.
In honor of Cambria and her birthday this month, I think I'll blog a little bit each time about her birth story. I don't think I've ever talked about it on FB.
Anyways...I only told a few close people that we were matched. I was still stinging from our horrible adoption fall-through the year before. Sunday the 23rd I was taking my kids to the pool for swimming lessons, and I got another important call....Cambria's birthmom J was in labor! 5 cm dilated! In a state that was literally on the other side of the country! I remember being at the pool while they were at their lessons, and I was pacing and so fidgety and giddy and excited!! Dave booked me a flight on the red eye, my parents came up to my house, and my dad drove me to the airport! I talked to J on the phone on the way to the airport, Cambria had been born, and she was definitely a she (no surprises!). I was about to get on the plane, and I knew that no matter what happened, my life would never be the same again!
A really hard part of all of this was that we didn't tell very many people. It was so hard to talk about our previous failed adoption. I knew I couldn't face everyone in my small town if this adoption fell through also. I had to wait until October 2nd to post anything on FB...that's when her revocation period ended. I was dying to share my exciting news with everyone! I remember texting my close friends and mom the daily picture of Cambria until I could post pics on FB. :)
It was such an exciting, exhilarating time in my life. Meeting my daughter for the first time, bringing her home, etc. I know Cambria is our last baby. I am ok with that. But I am sad that I won't get to experience that moment in time again. This moment is so different with an adoption vs. actually delivering the baby yourself, obviously. I am glad I got to experience both, as I've said before. But the interesting thing? If I were to ever do it again, I'd want to do another adoption vs. have a biological baby. I've had 3 children, and maybe it's because I had such hideous pregnancies, but I don't really want to be pregnant again.
The only thing that sucks about this? There are 2 birthparents, on the other side of the country, that had to lose a piece of themselves and be heartbroken so that I can experience the joys of raising a daughter.
In honor of Cambria and her birthday this month, I think I'll blog a little bit each time about her birth story. I don't think I've ever talked about it on FB.
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