Reflections

I haven't even thought about writing on my blog until today, since the last time I posted which was a month ago!  Now that we have settled into our "post-adoption" life  (basically just life at this point!), I don't really feel the need to blog about much.  I started my other blog as an adoption blog while we were waiting to be matched, "pregnant on paper" if you will......I know a lot of people dislike that term.  That is a really hard time.....the waiting period is tough.  Because in adoption you never really know if you will end up adopting a baby.  Heck, even if adoption is not on the table, nobody can be guaranteed to have a baby.  There are a lot of bumps along the way in adoption.  The mad paper rush to get all those papers filled out and the home study and visit from the social worker and writing the Dear Birth Parent letter and making the profile book that is presented to expectant moms and the money....there always seem to be more costs that creep into the equation than initially expected, and then you finally get the certification to adopt from the judge, and then you wait. You wait for your phone to ring.  You wait for "the call" that you hear about so much from other hopeful adoptive parents.    That waiting period is enough to make you crazy...if you let it!  Thankfully,  I made a lot of other hopeful adoptive moms along the way and we gave each other support and advice.  It would have been a much harder process (harder than it already was) without my adoption friends.

I just talked to one of my favorite hopeful adoptive mom friends yesterday.  We used to talk several times a week for a couple years during the waiting process.  She lives somewhat near me (1.5 hours away).  It's so weird not to have adoption on the brain 24/7 anymore.   Now that my daughter will be 3 in two months, we have been out of the active adoption journey for quite a while now.  We are just.....living life.  

I remember thinking once we were matched, I could exhale again. Wrong!  Then you worry that the expectant mother will not like something you said and then back out of the match.   Then the baby is born and comes home with you (if she signs the TPR paperwork) and then you still hold your breath. You hold your breath waiting for the day that the judge signs the official adoption paperwork and it is finalized.  You worry that the birth parents will take the baby back.  Even after my daughter's adoption was finalized, I still worried for a while that the birth parents would find a way to take her back.  Even though neither her birth mother or birth father ever tried to take her back and never even said they wished they could take her back.  Her birth mother has told me several times that she does not regret her decision to place C with us.   Don't get me wrong- of course her birth mother wishes she was in a place to parent, and didn't have to make the decision to place her baby for adoption.  But based on her circumstances, she still felt like she made the right decision.

Someone posted something on FB today of an adoptive couple going to the hospital to meet the child they would adopt for the first time.  They sent it to A.B.C. news and the emotions and love they felt are palpable in the pictures.   They took along a photographer and have amazing pictures.  Love at first sight.  That is exactly how I felt.  Gosh, it brought back so many memories.  It is possible to love a baby you did not carry or create.  It happened immediately with me.

While we were waiting to be matched, my life was so consumed with adoption, with getting matched, etc.  I spent so much time researching, reading adoption blogs, etc.  Other stuff gets put on the back burner to a degree.

I am now back to my regular, previously scheduled life just enjoying the days with the kids.  I am not so focused on adoption anymore.  Which is probably why I don't blog much.  And then I created this family blog to document our days as a family of 6.   However, the people that are really involved in our lives either talk to us IRL (in real life), or follow me on FB or IG and know what we're up to.

I love adoption and the little girl it brought to our family.  I can't believe she will be 3 in a couple months!  3!  When did that happen?!  I started really seriously thinking about adoption in 2008.  We finally signed up with the first agency in November 2009.  C came to us in 2012.  It is now 2015.  That's a lot of years from the beginning stages of our adoption journey until now.

Anyways, just a bit of reflection on the whole process.  Seeing how happy that other adoptive couple was in the pictures when they met their new baby for the first time warmed my heart and took me back to NC and to the hospital where I met C for the first time.  Oh how smitten I was with her immediately when I walked into that hospital room.  And how terrified I was that her birth parents would change their minds and parent her (which was their right) after I had already started falling in love with her.   The human heart is an amazing thing....mine fell in love with this baby I just met who didn't share my DNA, and her birth mother's heart loved her enough to do what she thought was best for her.

As for my 4 kiddos....summer is winding down here.  How could this be the 10th week of summer vacation already?!  We went to Hawaii this month.  My oldest son was on the Little League All Stars team.  They won the district tournament for the 3rd year in a row, and they played at the State tournament!  So exciting!  I will have an 8th grader, 5th grader, 2nd grader and a preschooler!  How on earth are they this old already?!  My daughter is talking so much and is so funny and super smart.  I know most parents say their kids are smart, but she is really smart and intuitive.

I hope everybody is enjoying their summer!