Moving On

Everyday I am pulling a little further away from the adoption world.  And by that I mean I don't talk to my adoption friends all the time like I used to.  Actually I haven't talked to them all the time in over a year.  I saw my friends who adopted babies before me do this same thing...pull away and no longer talk non-stop about adoption.  They said they just wanted to focus on being a mother and spend time with their baby that they had been waiting so long for.

I am following in their footsteps.  Which makes my husband happy.  He did not like how I spent so much time talking to my adoption friends by phone, text, email and Facebook.  And reading adoption blogs.  Oh those adoption blogs became a total time-suck for me.  I spent so much time reading blogs and writing my own blog posts.  And my posts were almost always filled with the same theme....me whining and sad because we hadn't got the call yet.  Then me whining and sad because of our failed adoption.  Oh and I almost forgot how much time I spent checking adoption websites that listed available adoption situations.  And talking to adoption friends about other adoption friends we knew and their adoption stories.  And then I spent so much time looking into new adoption agencies to sign up with and updating our adoption profile books.  Dave said I treated it like a part-time job and I was so focused on it.  He says I now need to channel that energy into something else.

I still am on several email group lists and Facebook pages of adoption professionals and adoption support groups.  Some of them I've told we have adopted a baby, but they did not delete me from their list for some reason.  Up until recently, I still used to read every adoption situation that came by way where they were looking for adoptive parents.  Before I used to say it was for my friends that were still waiting for "The Call".  Now the truth is that pretty much all of my friends have adopted their baby by now.  Some have decided their time was up and they were moving on with their lives without adopting.  (To me, I could never have given up that dream.)  One friend sold all of their baby stuff and then recently decided to try and adopt thru foster care and are almost done with the certification process.  I'm happy she didn't give up.  She took a break and then came back around with a different approach.  Instead of domestic infant adoption, she is doing foster-to-adopt.   She really wanted a daughter as much as I did.

Adoption costs have gone up so much in the past 2 years since we've adopted Cambria.  It is unbelievable how much they are charging now.  It is highway robbery.  Another adoption friend that has gotten the short end of the stick so to speak with adoption of a daughter said these high costs are too much for them.  She has also explored foster-to-adopt.....she has fostered 30+ kids and it has never been "her turn" to adopt.  Sucks so bad.  She also wants a daughter as much as me.  Anyways, I think they are finally calling it quits and getting off the adoption roller coaster...without her bundle of pink joy.  I am so sad about this.

Now I only read a part of the available adoption situations, sometimes I don't even open the email. {GASP!}   I still talk about adoption and Cambria's adoption situation (how I strongly feel she was meant to be my daughter), especially to people who are considering starting on the adoption journey.  Before I would stop what I was doing to read about a possible adoption situation.  Now I just want to live my life as a mother.....and not necessarily as an adoptive mother.  Just spend time with my kids.  What is the point of spending so much time reading about adoption cases and the adoption scammers.  Yep, those girls are still out there scamming poor naive adoptive parents.  We had our fair share of adoption scammers too.  Lonely sad bored girls who would rather spend all their time talking to adoptive parents about a fake pregnancy than getting out in the world and spending time with real people or getting a job and earning some money.  Who on earth would want to talk to an adoptive mom all day long about an adoption plan when they weren't even pregnant?  So pathetic that this is how they have to get some attention.  But I digress.....

At one point, I really wanted to give Cambria a baby sister.  I love having a daughter so much that I wanted another one.  Dave said no.  I was really sad about that and didn't want to admit we were actually finally done growing our family.  Now I am at peace with that decision.  I am so busy with our 4 kids and doing fun things with them and not-so-fun things like homework, that I can't honestly see adding a 5th child to our family.  It's just another chapter closing.  And it's time I move on with my life and pursue other things.

I really wanted this blog to not be solely an adoption blog.  I wanted it to be a family blog about ALL of my kids.  But I am terrible about posting pictures.  And who really wants to read about what we do every day or every weekend as a family?  Today Zack had baseball practice.  I took my other kids to the gymnastics place for open gym time with their friends.  I went to Target and bought detergent & spray & wash to do laundry.  Jacob went to the movies with his friend and his mom.  Zack went to his friend's house.  Then we picked Zack up and his friend came with us to Crac.ker Bar.rel for dinner and then we took them to the indoor batting cages to get some extra batting practice.  They have their first fall travel baseball team tournament next weekend.

Wow wasn't that so exciting?!  Lol!  So I think I will be lucky to get one blog post done from now on.

I am going to go now and try and post a picture of Cambria from our mommy & me dance class this week in a separate post!

I hope everyone has had a fantastic summer full of fun.... I know we did!  Now the kids are back in school and it's back to reality.   I am praying for some inspiration on this blog.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend!  :)