Turn The Other Cheek

This post is  not a fun, hey look at pictures of my cute kids, kind of post.  It is a serious and raw post.  So if you are not up for that kind of post, please skip this one and tune in next week.  My son is making his first communion and confirmation at church in a few months.  The parents have to go to several parent meetings throughout the year.  Last night the teacher and some parents were talking about something the priest said at church recently...about what turn the other cheek really means.  It doesn't mean to just take it and take it and take it and let the other person continue to treat you like crap.  It means you don't have to be happy about the poor way the other person is treating you-- but you can choose to not hate them for treating you in the poor manner they are.  The other teacher said that forgiveness is not about letting the other person get away with bad behavior, it's about giving you peace in your own life.

This is how I have kind of felt about my husband's SIL.  She has treated us like crap, me especially and is hypocritical and is upset with me about something that she did to me first.  (Yes, here I go again.)  I brought this up to her, and she refused to acknowledge it. In fact, I came up with 8 paragraphs worth of examples of how she has wronged me over the years.  She refused to acknowledge any of it, much less apologize.  (Shallow, maybe?)  I apologized almost a year ago (even tho I didn't think I did anything wrong.)  My husband is that kind of a person- a turn the other cheek kind of person.  In fact, he laughed at her ridiculous, hypocritical, narcissistic, self-centered behavior.  He refuses to let her bad behavior affect him and ruin his day.  He was like just apologize, and let's move on.  Well, I did apologize, and I thought things were ok.  But apparently I was wrong.....she still refuses to see us. I don't know what else to do.  (If you're asking yourself why don't we call her and just get it all out in the open- she has cancer, and my husband said that would make us look bad if we confronted her while she has cancer.)  D confronted his brother with some of these issues, and raised a lot of good points.  His brother said, "Yeah, I guess you're right."  But did he go home and tell his wife that we are not in the wrong?  Probably not.   They didn't send us a Christmas card.  My husband didn't hear from his only brother for 6 weeks after Christmas.  And he's ok with it.  I think that's crazy.  Maybe he's got the right idea....instead of sitting around getting upset about being treated so crappy by your family, he isn't going to waste another second of his precious life (he came very close to dying a couple times when he was really sick 4-5 years ago) worrying about people who obviously don't care about him like they should.   She texted me (by mistake) a month or so ago at 12:30 AM.  The text was obviously meant for someone else.  I texted her in the morning, telling her I think she texted me by mistake.  She replied back, "That's hilarious!"   
REALLY??  That's hilarious??  What's hilarious- that you texted me and woke me up at 12:30 AM?  (How rude!!)   She never apologized or even said ooops (of course not!) and went on talking about herself blah blah blah.   That's it!  She of course did not even ask me how we were doing.  At first I laughed and was like ok, par for the course.  But then the reality sunk in.  She has 3 nephews and a niece that she hasn't seen in a year and knows nothing about now.  And doesn't care!  That's so sad.  My husband says we have to invite them to my son's birthday party next month. (Turn that other cheek....again!)   Why?  So they can ignore the invitation and show us yet again that they don't give a crap about my kids and my family?  He says we should invite them to continue to be the bigger person.  I feel so bad for my kids.  It's a sad reality when their aunt, uncle, and cousin could not care any less about them.  My kids have never done anything wrong to their uncle, aunt and cousin to be treated as if they don't exist.  (Remember my husband's SIL didn't acknowledge my daughter until she was almost 3 months old?)  And now that she has deleted D and me on Facebook, she has no way to see what's going on in our lives.  But yet she whines that she feels as if we have forgotten about her!  OMG hello she deleted us on FB and won't talk to us- how on earth would we know what's going on with her?

Anyways, I've been trying to get over my hurt feelings when they continue to slight us.  Some days are better than others.  It's them with the problem, not us, yeah yeah yeah.  Funny how that works, because she is the one acting as if  we are in the wrong and refusing to see us (even tho we're not in the wrong) and I'm the one pissed off. 

I must work on this personality trait that I have.  I need to turn the other cheek and just forgive her for treating me so badly- for my own peace.  Otherwise, it will eat me alive.  My hair is falling out.  It is snapping and breaking off.  I think it's partly from my hysterectomy surgery and the anesthesia.  And I think it was partly from the incredible amount of stress I've been under this school year with my 2 sons having a ridiculous amount of homework and school projects this year.  And I think it's from the stress of dealing with people like her.  I just need to learn to let it go, and not always want to be "right" and have the last word.  But I am right......

:)    hee hee!

I went to the lab and had bloodwork done, and they screwed up and only did part of the labs.  I have to drag myself back to the lab (fasting no less) for the rest of the bloodwork. 

I wish I wasn't as sensitive as I am.  I wish this didn't bother me.  I wish I could forgive other people easily.  Like my kids do- they forgive kids at school who are mean to them so easily.  And they never hold grudges.  My goal is to someday soon view this relationship (or lack of one) with D's SIL in a different light.  I can't let her poor treatment of me and her indifference to my children make me sad or hurt or upset.  I need to forgive her and just attribute her behavior to "that's just how she is".  Whether it's right or wrong, it just is what it is.  I don't have the time to dwell on this anymore, even if I think I am right.  My kids have too much homework that they need help with!  lol

At first I was kind of mad at myself for dredging up all of this again.  I thought I was doing better dealing with the situation.  Until I went to this church meeting last night and they talked about this turn the other cheek meaning.  But now I realize that I had to bring it all up again because I had to work through it all and really assess and pick apart my feelings.  I had to bring it up again so I could properly process it and learn how to work through it and get on the other side of it and not let it affect me anymore. 

OK, so enough of this Debbie-downer stuff.  The next post will be happy and upbeat.  And about rainbows and unicorns.

Well, I do have one other question that's related to adoption (and not to D's SIL).  I saw on the news where this family who adopted a child took him back to the agency (he's about 9 I think).  They said he has behavior issues and the child refuses to get help for them.  There's this phenomenon going on in adoption called "re.homing".  Finding a new adoptive family willing to adopt your child that you have adopted.  Anyways, these adoptive parents have a court case and may be fined or given jail time for basically abandoning this child.  And that lady who sent her unruly adopted child back to Russia a few years ago now has to pay child support for that child.  OK so here's my question....what about the birth parents?  What about the first parents the child had that either placed the child voluntarily after trying to parent for a while, or had the child removed from their care for neglect or abuse?  What about those parents?  Shouldn't they also be fined or imprisoned or forced to pay child support for the child they created and aren't taking care of?  How come only the adoptive parents that tried to give this child a good life are being punished for realizing they are in over their heads with this child and are not equipped to deal with all of the child's issues and perhaps another family would be?  I don't really have any answers about this, just questions. 

And Again!

Today I had a new babysitter come to the house to watch Cambria for a couple hours.  I have only left her with a handful of people in her life (2 of them being my mom and Dave's mom!  And another person who is a pediatric nurse!).  But my regular babysitter that we've had for 8 years is most likely moving to a different state soon.  I had to have a surprise root canal done 2 weeks ago, and I realized I need a babysitter for emergencies.  I can't exactly take her with me for that!  So my friend who also has 3 sons and a baby girl recommended this woman who also watches her kids.  She also works at a preschool part-time, so she's been screened already.
Anyways, she did great with Cambria, and Cambria had fun playing with her and only cried when the babysitter put her down for a nap! She was having too much fun playing!  Anyways, the babysitter looked at Cambria and then at me and said.......

(What do you think she said?!)

"Cambria looks just like you!"

It is funny how many people have said this to me in the past couple months.

I texted her birth mom a picture of Cambria on Valentine's Day.  She texted me back and said she knew Cambria had beautiful blue eyes, but until she saw this picture and her eyes up close, she hadn't realized just how beautiful her blue eyes really are!  They are amazing, and her eyes are a unique shape too.

I also told her how much we love Cambria, and how even though she is almost 17 months old, I still, to this day, upon walking into her bedroom when she wakes up in the morning, can't believe that I have a daughter!   She texted back and said I'm a great mother to Cambria.  

Awww!!  So sweet!  :)     Like I always say, adoption done right is a beautiful thing.

Happy Valentine's Day!

It's always an achievement when I get all 4 kiddos to sit still long enough to take a picture....and they were all looking at the camera at the same time- bonus!

Happy Valentine's Day from me and my fab 4!

And I have a little story....I went to Ho.bby Lo.bby today (all these ridiculous projects my kids have to do for school are really getting on my nerves!) to get stuff to make Zack's science project (a 3-D animal cell, but it has to be creative.....so we are going to incorporate all the parts of an animal cell into what else?  A baseball field/fence/fans in the stands, of course!)  So I was looking for miniature things for this project and nothing can be edible.  (ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!)  So I was looking for fake miniature food that they sell at baseball games instead of real peanuts and cracker jacks and sodas and cotton candy.

But I digress.....as usual!  OK so Cambria and I are going down one of the aisles in the store and this older woman walks by us and stops and looks and Cambria and says to her "You are so pretty!  You look just like your mommy!"

I smiled and thanked her.  :)

Fun Picture From CA Adventure

This was taken last month at Disney CA Adventure.  I love the way you can see the cars racing on the Cars Ride in the background!  I love the way the light is hitting in this picture- it reminds me of Sed.ona which isn't too far away from me!  And all my boys are smiling in this picture.  That was a fun day!

Big Sister

Cambria is now officially a big sister!  Her baby sister was born last night, and is a tiny little peanut!  I've seen pictures, and she is so beautiful!  (But I knew based on what Cambria's older birth brothers and sisters and Cambria look like that this baby would be beautiful!)

The girls are 16.5 months apart.  Cambria's older brother is just 9 months and 3 weeks older than Cambria.  So that makes 3 siblings in 2 years 2 months and 1 week.   I don't know how her body did it.  Mine certainly wouldn't have done this well with 3 back-to-back pregnancies.  But her birth mom is strong- physically and emotionally.

This may sound weird, but if I am being totally honest, this new adoption has left me feeling a little sad, like my family and I have lost a little piece of ourselves with Cambria's biological sibling not coming to live with us.  My husband has said that I act like I am the one who is making the heartbreaking, difficult decision to place my baby for adoption.

I talked to my mom tonight, the only one I can really tell my feelings to about this whole thing (except for random, anonymous people who read my blog!  HA!)  (and except for my husband, but see his response to this whole situation above), and my mom and I both said we feel bad for Cambria's birth mom.  We feel bad for her having to go thru this gut-wrenching experience twice, and in such a short period of time.  Yes, she is an adult, and yes, she made the decisions to do things that resulted in this, but still.  But still.  She was in labor by herself, and the thought of that made me so sad.  I was in labor surrounded by my husband and parents.  I told her if I lived closer, I would have been there by her side.  She said she knows that, and thank you.

Anyways, the new adoptive mom texted me pictures and updates.  I'm so glad we have this relationship so the girls can be in each other's lives when they are older.  :)

Ahhhh…..adoption.  I've heard it described as the gift that keeps on giving (Unfortunately not always in a good way.)  So far we have been lucky and blessed to have a good open adoption with Cambria's birth family.

Oh, on a slightly different note….one of my birth mom friends posted a link to this video made my K.ay Jew.elers.  In it, this adoptive couple is waiting in the waiting room of an adoption agency, and the husband gives the wife this necklace to celebrate becoming a mother.  Then the adoption worker comes in and hands them their new perfect baby.  As if poof it's that easy!!

The birth moms who saw that video were not happy- they were totally left out of the equation!  What the heck?!  Where was the birth mom?  The woman who is responsible for giving these 2 people their happy-ever-after ending?  Someone commented and said notice the birth mom is comfortably (for the adoptive parents) absent. My friend commented that she too was traded a necklace for her baby.

I'm an adoptive parent, and I didn't even like commercial.  The birth mom should be getting the necklace, she is the one who sacrificed.  We did give Cambria's birth mom a bracelet, it had a heart charm on it to symbolize that she would always be in our hearts.  I didn't get any jewelry from my husband (he said I got the baby, that should be enough!  And he is right.)  Someone else commented that the husband is simply giving her a piece of jewelry as a "push present", like a lot of women receive after childbirth, that it has nothing to do with adoption, but with the act of becoming a mother.  My husband did give me a "push present" after I had my 3rd son.  I was joking that in all the romance novels and celebrity births that the husband got the wife a "push present" and where was mine?!  He got me a necklace and ring with my son's birthstone on it.  And it very well may have been from K.ay Jew.elers!  Lol I'm serious.  I'm gonna have to go and see if I can find the box!

Anyways, please pray for Cambria's birth mom……that she can find peace in her adoption decision and that she never has to go thru this again.

She Looks Just Like You!

2 more.  2 more comments about how Cambria looks just like me, that is.  I was at Ko.hl's (Shhh!  Don't tell my hubby!  Haha!), and as we were heading out the door, this woman says, "Your daugther is soooo beautiful!  Can you turn her around so I can get a better look?"  

Say what??

So I say sure, and she says, "She is so beautiful, and those eyes!  She certainly gets her looks from you!  Well, I don't know what the father looks like, but she looks like you!"

I chuckled and was sooo tempted to mess with her and say, "Yeah, I don't know what the father looks like either."  But instead I smiled and said, "Thank you.  I think she is beautiful too.  And she is adopted, so unfortunately I can't take credit for her good looks."  And she said that she has friends who adopted a baby who looks just like the adoptive parents. 

I do know what Cambria's birth parents look like, along with a lot of their extended family.  She doesn't really look that similar to most of them.  I think she looks the most like her half-sister who is 5 years old, and absolutely beautiful.  So it's weird that she looks so similar to my family, but not similar to a lot of her biological family.  I can't wait to see what her new baby birth sister looks like, who is going to make her arrival any day now!  I even know the name of her new birth sister.  And I love it!

Then I went to my doctor's office for my flu shot (finally!) and the nurse said how beautiful Cambria was, and that she looked just like me and those eyes!  Those beautiful eyes!  I said thanks, and it's so ironic because she is adopted.  And she said she has friends who adopted a baby, and the baby looks just like them too.

God has a plan when he creates families.  Some look alike, and some don't.  But he knows the perfect place for everybody to land.