Head Spinning

I really don't feel like blogging.  Gosh, 1-2 years ago, you couldn't shut me up on my private adoption blog.  Lately I've been like "Meh.  Blog or do other things...hmmm.....do other things." 

I have been so busy.  Crazier than usual, if that is even possible.  We leave for Hawaii very soon, and I don't have any packing done.  We are renewing our vows on the beach there.  I'm excited for that.

Zachary's baseball schedule has my head spinning.  He finished the regular Little League season (can I get a woot woot?!)  and just when I was starting to relax and smile.....Ring Ring!  Hi, your child has been nominated for the All Stars baseball team!  Say what?!?!  All Stars was 2 weeks of baseball practice every night except for Sundays in June, and then a week of tournaments starting June 22nd.  Guess what?  His All Star team WON!  Yes, they won the district championships in our district in Arizona!  Holy cow!  I don't think they were expected to win!  The team they played really made the boys work for the championship title, though.  Tough games!   So now they go to the state championship tournament down in Phoenix in a couple weeks.   Guess who will be in Hawaii....Oy.

Then we had Cambria baptized and my BFF's and family were there and we had a little party.

Then we had Zack's 11th birthday party at the pool.  Super fun.

Then Jacob started getting this weird rash on his elbows and knees and hands and feet.  His hands and feet are red and swollen.  Hard to bend his fingers, hurts to walk.  I took him to the dermatologist who said psoriasis.  Which I suspected.  But then he said it might be juvenile psoriatic arthritis (think Phil Mickelson) and if he doesn't get better in a week, I will have to take him to the pediatric rheumatologist.  Holy cow, I don't want my 8 year old son on steroids and taking those biologics like Enbrel or Humira at 8 years old.  His palms and soles of his feet and knuckles are red and now the skin is peeling.  I turned to my friend Google and am scared it might be dermatomyositis instead of psoriasis.  I think dermatomyositis can be fatal in a few cases.  His fingers hurt some days.  It breaks my heart.  I love that kid so much (I mean, I love all of my kids....you know what I mean.) and I am terrified that this is something bad.   I take him back to the dermatologist tomorrow for a follow-up appt.  He will probably need a skin biopsy.  But then we leave for Hawaii soon.   Do I take him to Hawaii with stitches in?  And then he can't swim and get the stitches soaking wet.  Poor kid.

I know, I know....some people would kill to have my problems....take my son to Hawaii with stitches in?   Wah wah wah!     Like the people in my small town that have been affected by this hideoous wild fire that killed 19 of our Ho.t Sho.t fire.fight.ers.  I'm sure you've heard about it- it made the national news.  Friends of my friends lost friends and family members who were part of the Ho.t Sho.ts fire.fight.ers team.  So sad.   My aunt and two cousins died in a fire when my grandmother's house burned down years ago.  I feel their pain.

Wow, I am in a funk.

Let's see...what else can I over-share with you all?  I don't live in the south, so I don't feel right saying y'all!  ;)

Cambria is going to be a big sister!  No, I'm not pregnant.  I just had a hysterectomy 4 1/2 weeks ago!  Zachary likes to tell people, "my mom can't have any more kids."  I'm not sure why he tells people that?!  And we aren't planning on adopting again.  Cambria's birth mother is pregnant again.  With her new boyfriend.  She is planning on parenting her new baby. 

Please pray for my son Jacob and hope that his skin issue and joint pains turn out not to be serious.
I was in the grocery store today standing in line-- in the 15 items or less line and this guy 2 people in front of me was yapping up a storm and arguing over the price of just about every one of his 15 items.  I was so irritable and was ready to tell him to STFU and move along and let the rest of us check out.  Jacob was bugging me about buying him every type of candy in the check-out line.  Cami started fussing in her car seat carrier- she was done and wanted out while we were standing in this line.  My head started spinning and my stomach was doing nervous flip flops and was in knots.  I was having a panic attack.  I was freaking out about Jacob and was so scared this skin issue might be something really serious.  Dave called me when I was in line.  I walked out to the parking lot and started bawling and hyperventilating in the parking lot of the grocery store.  What a mess I was.  He asked me, "where are you?!?!"  Then I sat in my SUV and finished crying and talking to him.  I think I read too many facebook pages of pediatric cancer patients.  Now I worry that my kids have cancer too. 

I haven't been sleeping well lately.  (No surprise there, right?)  Last night I had a nightmare.  Let me give you the backstory--not a dream.  I am supposed to run in the Tinkerbell half-marathon in January with my BFF Missy at Disneyland.  I can't start running for another week and a half because of my surgery.  OK now here is the nightmare part- I dreamt that I showed up to the race and was wearing white see-thru bike shorts and had these tight white jean shorts over the spandex bike shorts.  So I'm at the race, and can't lift or bend my legs very well because I'm wearing these tight jean shorts!  What the heck?!  And then I realize I forgot to bring water and power bars or anything else to eat.  How am I supposed to run 13 miles in these ridiculous shorts and with no water or food?!

Like I said, my head is spinning. 

I can't wait to be chillin' on the beach in Maui with my loves.