This past Sunday 5 years ago was the day the baby girl that we thought was going to be our daughter was born. Yesterday 5 years ago was the day we made one of the most difficult, heartbreaking decisions of our life and said we could not adopt the baby after all because of some circumstances we were not comfortable with. 5 years. Wow. So hard to believe that I could have a daughter entering kindergarten this fall. I wasn't as sad as I had been in years past on these days. I felt bad and sad that we couldn't make that adoption work out for our family. I thought of the birth mother, and what she must be thinking and feeling on those two days. I wonder if she still hates us? I hope not. I wish I could tell her that I think of her often and wish I could apologize, again, for the outcome. I liked her a lot, and it killed me to have to disrupt that adoption. Then I looked at my baby girl and gave her a big hug and know that things turned out the way they were supposed to. The daughter God had planned for me all along was right there with me, in my arms. I don't like to hurt people's feelings and wish we didn't have to experience the failed adoption.
My husband's cousin had asked me a year ago about adoption. So I sent her a really long message about the steps involved (hello, home study!) and all the different options like adoption agencies, attorneys offices, facilitators, foster-adopt, etc. Then she suffered another horrible miscarriage. Today she posted that they are officially pursuing adoption, and are working on their home study! I'm so happy for them. I am excited for them to become parents through the miracle of adoption.
